Laughing and crying, you know it's the same release. Joni Mitchell

Laughing and crying, you know it's the same release. Joni Mitchell

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Good-bye, Old Friend!

Rusty in the doggie carriage
Yesterday I had to do one of the hardest things I've ever had to do - put our family dog to sleep. Rusty was a 13 1/2 year-old Welsh Springer Spaniel and he had simply grown old. He had arthritis, he was deaf and he had some ailment that we could never identify. He had stopped eating and drinking. He could barely stand up or walk on his weak hind legs. But somehow, he would make it all the way to the creek-bed at the back of our property and lie in the mud. I felt like he was going there to die, but it wasn't his time yet. It reminded me of the Native American Grandfather, Old Lodge Skins, in the movie Little Big Man with Dustin Hoffman who plays Jack, Old Lodge Skins' adopted Caucasian son. Old Lodge Skins tells Jack, "Today is a good day to die." Then, according to Wikipedia:
Jack accompanies Old Lodge Skins to a nearby hill where the aged, weary leader decides to end his life. He offers his spirit to the Great Spirit, and lies down to wait for death. Instead, it begins to rain. Old Lodge Skins sighs and says, "Sometimes the magic works, and sometimes it doesn't". They return to his tepee to have dinner.

The Final Tour with our neighbors
Well, I had to be the one to make the magic work for Rusty and help him get there as easily and painlessly as possible. Unfortunately my husband was out-of-town, skiing with his buddies in Utah. Fortunately, my neighbors, who are dog-lovers and good friends, offered to go with me and Rusty to the vet. My neighbor, Marianne, told me about the Irish and Italian tradition of taking a deceased loved one around the neighborhood before burial. But she hoped that when it was her time, she would be shown the neighborhood before she passed and thought Rusty should be walked around the block one last time. I told her that Rusty didn't have the energy for a long walk, so another neighbor, Jay, offered to let us use his doggie carriage. So, with Marianne's dog, Spotacus, as the honor guard, Rusty had one more stroll around the block, remembering all his doggie friends that lived in the neighborhood.

Rusty was the cutest puppy ever!
Rusty was a sweet-natured and handsome boy with a white "heart" on his head and red freckles on his nose. Everybody who knew him loved him because he was so sweet and happy. His tail was always wagging and he was a bundle of energy. Even when he was older, people thought he was a puppy because of his playful, exuberant nature. Rusty was a people-dog. He loved to be with his family and often curled up under my desk as I was working.We've had him since he was a puppy, shipped on a plane from his breeders in Illinois. His father was a champion! My kids have grown up with him and will miss him terribly.

Thank you to all my neighbors and friends who reached out and helped me with this most difficult, but ultimately loving task. Last night, I asked my spirit guides for a message about Rusty. I had a dream in which I saw two horses, one white and one black, resting on a hilltop in a beautiful pastoral scene. Then I saw Rusty in the foreground, surrounded by light.  REST IN PEACE, GOOD BUDDY!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Love is the Nature of the Universe...

Nature heartImage via Wikipedia...at least that's what my spirit guides told me. I had my annual New Year's reading from my favorite psychic, Katherine Glass. I won't share all the intimate details, but I will share some valuable advice from my spirit guides that I think applies to everyone. First of all, Katherine confirmed that two of my spirit guides are my mother and my sister, both of whom passed many years ago. Katherine says that they both continue to grow and evolve on the other side and that my mom is "way evolved over there." I know for sure that my mom was with me in the ER when I was diagnosed with bi-lateral lung embolisms. I could feel her presence hovering over me, watching out for me. Maybe she even led me to call my nephew who finally diagnosed me and possibly saved my life! My maternal grandmother showed up, too, to send me love and support.

So, here is some valuable advise that is both personal and universal. My spirit guides told me to HAVE HOPE. I'm at the end of an era of health issues. It is onward and upward from here. Over the next three years I should continue to heal physically, psychologically and spiritually. I need to let go of expectations and line up a support system of good friends who will be there for me like sisters. My mom told me to be patient. I am progressing, evolving and growing. Mom said, "Be patient, Honey."  Stop focusing on others and what I'm not getting and focus on myself and what I can get. I can't change anyone else, but I can change myself. My guides told me to live without trepidation and without focusing on the hardships. Turn a new leaf - have faith and believe; get playful, joyful. Do something creative and fun, like singing lessons, and do it without judgement or criticizing myself. Love and support myself. Stop struggling - relax and let go. Find peace in my conflicting mind. Know that my guides hold me, love me, and keep me safe, even in death. It is a huge relief to pass over, but it's not my time yet.

My guides told me that I have an innate wisdom. I know what to do and I should profoundly trust that. They said shine and everyone sees it. Be authentic - align with my true self and not my traumatized self (which is my New Year's resolution and wish for 2012). Align with your name and who you are. My mom named me Joy because joy is who I am. Open my consciousness and feel the bigness inside me. That's when the co-incidences, opportunities, happiness and smoothness happens. Connect to the Universe in love and gratitude, even in the grief. LOVE IS THE NATURE OF THE UNIVERSE. Use love as my motivation in everything - choose love over fear.

English: Portrait of Byron KatieImage via Wikipedia
Byron Katie
I should ask my guides for guidance as they can help me greatly. My crown chakra is opening so that I am better able to receive guidance from the spirit world. My power chakra (belly) and my throat chakra are healing, clearing and getting more open. But I still have more to "say" in this lifetime and I need to speak my truth. Katherine said that singing creates vibrational healing throughout the body. But I need to sing with confidence. If I hold back, the notes won't come out right. She said, "There is incredible confidence to have your voice heard." Katherine suggested that I check out The Work of Byron Katie to help me with "the turn around" of fearful, depressing thoughts and return my mind to it's true peaceful and creative nature. She also suggested nourishing my pysical body with acupuncture, Chinese herbs and a tonic for continued lung support to get the physical foundation strong in support of the spiritual body.

Not bad advice for anybody on this planet :)
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Wednesday, January 4, 2012

I Can See Clearly Now...

I Can See Clearly NowImage by katerha via Flickr...is my theme song for 2012. On Monday I was driving to my health club (just like in my dream) with my daughter when "I Can See Clearly Now" came on the radio. I told my daughter that I love this song and started to sing along. But as I really listened to the words, I started to cry. After finally coming through my "lost" year, the lyrics were speaking right to my heart: I think I can make it now, the pain is gone; All of the bad feelings have disappeared; Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin' for... Then on Tuesday I was at my health club again waiting for my water aerobics class to start and the first song on the instructor's work-out mix was - you guessed it - I Can See Clearly Now! Of course, I sang along again, but this time I didn't cry, I just smiled. The instructor never uses the same music twice, so this song was a direct message from the Universe to me.

This goes out to all of you who have been prayin' for a rainbow after the rain:

I Can See Clearly Now
by Johnny Nash

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin' for
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

Look all around, there’s nothin' but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothin' but blue skies

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.



Lyrics | Johnny Nash - I Can See Clearly Now lyrics



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Saturday, December 31, 2011

Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012!

English: A Led Traffic lightsImage via Wikipedia2011 was a pretty crappy year - for me, for the economy and for the world which suffered one natural disaster after another. But I had a dream this morning that indicates a better year ahead: I'm at the intersection where I must turn right to get to my health club, but the traffic light is at such a strange angle that I can't tell if it's green for me or for the traffic going the other way. Just as I realize that I HAVE THE GREEN LIGHT, I wake up...So, I'm interpreting my dream to mean that I finally have the green light to go in the RIGHT direction, not only toward good health in my body, but since my health club is named for Henry David Thoreau, one of New England's most celebrated authors, I'm headed in the right direction toward my creative health as well.

Back at the beginning of December, I wrote myself a letter with all my deepest wishes for my life. I am posting it here as my blessings for myself and for all of you in the coming year:

You find love and tenderness in all aspects of your life.
You are free of any negative influence of past traumas from this life or any other.
You are strong.
You sleep soundly and wake refreshed.
You embrace your womanhood or manhood in all its aspects and it is a source of joy and fulfillment in your life.
Your body is balanced and whole.
You move forward in joy without holding back.
Your creativity flows freely in all aspects of your life and brings you and others great joy and fulfillment.
You are safe and protected by the Divine Light at all times.
Your relationships are loving, safe, sacred and engender mutual trust.
You deeply love, respect, and accept yourself.
Your kharma is free and clear.
You give yourself up to the Divine in love and with an open heart.

English: Henry David Thoreau, photograph taken...Image via Wikipedia


 “Friends, they cherish one another’s hopes. They are kind to one another’s dreams.”
~ Henry David Thoreau


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Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Nerve Stimulating Implants for Fibromyalgia Treatment

Peripheral Nerve Stimulation


The leader of my FM support group sent an email link to an article in Health.com about an unproven but promising new method for treating fibromyalgia pain called Peripheral Nerve Stimulation (PNS). The treatment was recently highlighted in a local news broadcast in the Boston area. According to examiner.com, PNS is "the implanting of wire electrodes just beneath the skin of the patient’s head or lower back. The other ends of the electrodes connect to a battery-powered stimulator that delivers electrical current to the nerves." PNS, or greater occipital nerve stimulation, has already been used successfully to treat occipital neuralgia (pain in the upper neck, back of head & behind ears; sometimes the scalp, forehead, behind eyes) and various primary headache syndromes, such as migraines. The occipital nerve is located on the back of the head just above the neck area. The FDA has not yet approved this treatment for FM but it is being researched. However, there are some difficulties in establishing a control group since the electrical stimulation has physical sensations that can't be recreated as a placebo.

The entire article is reprinted below:

Nerve-Zapping Implants Could Relieve Fibromyalgia

First Posted: 07/ 1/11 03:04 PM ET Updated: 08/31/11 06:12 AM ET
http://www.health.com/health/
After 15 years of battling fibromyalgia with medication and exercise, Lisa Simpson still had cramping, spasms, and pain all over her body. "Just to have my 7-pound Chihuahua walk over my legs would cause severe pain," the 37-year-old medical assistant recalls.
Simpson had all but given up on finding relief when, in 2004, she saw a ray of hope. She was working in the office of an anesthesiologist at Griffin Hospital in Derby , Conn. , Mark Thimineur, M.D., who had begun surgically implanting tiny, nerve-stimulating devices into fibromyalgia patients.
"Some of the patients could barely make it from one end of the office to the other," she recalls. After the treatment, "they had a spring in their step" and were "like a totally different person."
The treatment, known as peripheral nerve stimulation (PNS), entails implanting wire electrodes that are about 2 millimeters thick just beneath the skin of the patient's head or lower back. The electrodes, which are connected to a battery-powered stimulator, deliver a mild -- and usually imperceptible -- electrical current to certain nerves.
The technique is commonly used for severe back pain, leg pain, and headaches, but Dr. Thimineur is one of just a handful of doctors who use PNS to treat fibromyalgia, a poorly understood and hard-to-diagnose condition marked by widespread pain and tenderness.
The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has not approved nerve stimulation for fibromyalgia (or headaches). It's considered an experimental treatment and is used only in people with near-disabling fibromyalgia who have failed to respond to other treatments.
However, up to 40 percent of the approximately 10 million fibromyalgia patients in the U.S. fall into that category, and if PNS proves beneficial, it could potentially help tens of thousands of people, without the side effects of prescription drugs.
But for that to happen -- and for insurance companies to agree to foot the hefty bill (it can cost up to $90,000) -- clinical trials will need to prove its safety and efficacy. "This is on the cutting edge, or witchcraft," says Peter Staats, M.D., a pain doctor in private practice in Shrewsbury , N.J. "We haven't decided which yet."
The results described by patients can indeed sound too good to be true. Simpson underwent the treatment herself, and she estimates that it halved her fibromyalgia symptoms.
"It was like a light switch," says Simpson, who now helps Dr. Thimineur counsel and monitor patients receiving nerve stimulation. "As soon as the machine was turned on, it was like night and day."
A tingling sensation
The treatment may sound intimidating, but the mechanics of PNS are straightforward: A doctor inserts four electrodes in the base of a fibromyalgia patient's head and connects them via wire to a wearable, beeper-size power source, producing what some patients call a "Frankenstein" look. (For back or leg pain, the electrodes are placed in the lower back.)
At first, to increase the likelihood that the patient will respond to the treatment, the wires deliver a current powerful enough that many patients feel a tingling. If the patient's symptoms get better during the trial period, a surgeon "tunnels" the wires under the skin and implants a battery about the size of a poker chip in the buttock or lower back. Once the devices are implanted, the doctor typically reduces the current until the tingling sensation disappears.
Although pain experts aren't entirely certain why PNS improves fibromyalgia symptoms, they suspect that the electricity blocks pain signals from reaching the brain by disrupting a set of nerves in the spinal cord. These nerves have "a direct connection to almost every part of your brain," says Dirk De Ridder, M.D., a neurologist in Belgium who is researching the technique.
"It's a relatively easy thing to try if everything else has been exhausted," says Dr. Staats, who uses the technique on patients with headaches and pinched nerves, but not fibromyalgia.
How well does it work?
Since 2002, Dr. Thimineur has used peripheral nerve stimulation on about 600 patients with different types of chronic pain. (In May, he and several colleagues received a patent for the technique he uses.)
The improvement that Simpson saw is the norm rather than the exception, Dr. Thimineur says. He estimates that between 50 percent and 60 percent of his fibromyalgia patients experience a 50 percent reduction in pain (a common benchmark used to assess pain treatments), qualifying them for an implant.
Mark Plazier, M.D., a neurosurgeon and colleague of Dr. De Ridder's at University Hospital Antwerp, in Belgium , says that the overall improvement in a patient's quality of life is even more impressive than the pain reduction. "They just get back into shape, back into society," he says.
The treatment doesn't always go smoothly. Finding the right level of electrical current for each patient is more art than science: Too low, and the pain relief will be negligible; too high, and side effects such as anxiety -- and, counterintuitively, headaches -- can occur. (If the current is right, side effects are minimal, Dr. Staats says.)
Lori Masters, a 46-year-old mother of four, received the treatment from Dr. Thimineur in 2005 to treat her chronic headaches. Although it didn't help her migraines, Masters says the stimulation "totally obliterated" her fibromyalgia pain, increased her energy, and cleared the mental cloudiness known as "fibro fog." But these benefits came at a price. For the first year, she experienced tingling and irritability because settings on her stimulator were too high.
"I would get jittery and anxious, like I had too much coffee," she says. "I found myself yelling at my kids, which I don't usually do."
Dr. Thimineur decreased the current at each monthly visit, to the point where it was actually too low. Masters lost her jitters and anxiety, but her pain came back, and she felt exhausted. After a small increase, Dr. Thimineur hit upon the right level for her. She has done well ever since and can now attend her daughter's basketball games -- something she was in too much pain to do before.
The challenges of research
Joshua Greenspan, M.D., a pain specialist in private practice near Portsmouth , N.H. , has treated at least 50 fibromyalgia patients with nerve stimulation. But he says more research is needed for doctors to embrace the technique. "There has to be at least one paper with at least 100 people in it," says Dr. Greenspan, who first learned about using nerve stimulation for fibromyalgia from Dr. Thimineur.
In order to demonstrate the treatment's efficacy for fibromyalgia, randomized, placebo-controlled trials will have to rule out the possibility that the placebo effect is responsible for the pain reduction. Designing a placebo (or "sham") version of nerve stimulation can be a challenge, however; because the electrical current often produces a noticeable tingling, it's difficult to "blind" a patient to whether she's receiving the real thing. (The research supporting other nerve-stimulation techniques, such as the treatment known as TENS, has been called into question for this reason.)
Separating the treatment effect from the placebo effect may be especially tricky with fibromyalgia. Compared to, say, back pain, the disorder is relatively difficult to diagnose and often overlaps with other health conditions that contribute to pain symptoms, including lupus, arthritis, and depression.
Dr. Plazier and Dr. De Ridder think they've found a way around the placebo problem. In a recently completed study that included 11 fibromyalgia patients, they dialed back the amount of current such that the patients experienced pain relief but no tingling sensation. Then, over two five-week periods, they compared the effect of this "subthreshold" current to the effect of the wires being off altogether, without the patients knowing which was which.
The preliminary findings -- which have not yet been accepted by a peer-reviewed journal -- are encouraging, the researchers say, and they are now conducting a similar study with 40 patients that they hope to finish next summer.
Still, it's likely to be several years before nerve stimulation becomes a mainstream treatment for fibromyalgia. "The way we're using peripheral nerve stimulation is more of a paradigm shift," Dr. Thimineur says. "Paradigm shifts occur slowly."
Costs and benefits
Proving that peripheral nerve stimulation is superior to placebo will be necessary in order for insurance companies to agree to pay for the procedure. Currently, some insurance companies -- and in some states, Medicaid and Medicare -- cover the treatment for chronic headaches and other pain conditions, but not fibromyalgia.
Dr. Greenspan estimates that private insurers would recoup the costs of the treatment in about two years if they decide to cover eligible fibromyalgia patients. Part of the savings would come from medications, which most patients can stop taking after beginning nerve stimulation, Dr. Greenspan says.
Simpson discontinued her regular pain drugs within two months of getting her implant, and now she only takes them to help with brief spells of "breakthrough" pain. As with many nerve-stimulation patients, her pain returns every year or so -- a signal that she needs to have her stimulator setting readjusted.
After Simpson's last episode of breakthrough pain, Dr. Thimineur upgraded her stimulator battery and moved the wires slightly higher up in the back of her head, where they have a stronger effect. For the first time in six years, she was current-free for several weeks while Dr. Thimineur evaluated her baseline level of pain.
"I can see all the old pain starting to come back with the stimulator off," says Simpson, who missed more work than she could make up in those weeks. "I don't know how I managed before."


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Sunday, November 27, 2011

Dariy-free and Gluten-free for the Holidays

Given my dietary restrictions, I was not looking forward to the holiday season this year. Because of systemic inflammation, one doctor told me not to eat dairy or gluten, both inflammatory foods. And because of systemic candida, another doctor told me not to eat yeast - both baker's yeast in breads and brewer's yeast in beer and wine (who knew wine had yeast in it?). I mean, what's Thanksgiving without stuffing, Christmas/Hanukkah without cookies or New Year's Eve without champagne? I didn't even want to go to any holiday parties and have to pass on all the goodies. Then while I was shopping at my local health food store, Debra's Natural Gourmet, I saw a cookbook called Gluten-Free and Vegan Holidays: Celebrating the Year with Simple, Satisfying Recipes and Menus by Jennifer Katzinger. I decided that  I'd have to make and bring my own goodies so that I could partake in the bounty of the holidays and not feel deprived.

For Thanksgiving I made Katzinger's Apple Tart using almond meal and teff flour for the crust and coconut milk in the apple filling. I served it ala mode with coconut milk ice cream while everyone else dined on spice cake, pumpkin pie and my daughter's pumpkin bread pudding with homemade rum-infused whipped cream. The tart wasn't too bad, although the crust was very crumbly and the filling was not sweet enough for my taste with no added sugar. It was hard to sit at the table with everyone else raving about the pumpkin bread pudding - one of my favorite desserts. However, I surely didn't starve! To accommodate my needs, the hosts put aside the potatoes and squash before adding butter and milk and made the gravy with corn starch. I substituted quinoa for the stuffing, which was tasty with the gravy on top. And of course, the turkey!

I thought about skipping my writer's critique group annual holiday party with every kind of conceivable holiday cookies and baked goods, but I think I'll bring a few of the gluten-free vegan cookies in Katzinger's cookbook. She even includes a latke recipe for Hanukkah and a matzoh ball recipe for Passover. The trick is to feel included in the abundance of the holidays while still eating in a way that will keep me healthy.

If any of you have a favorite gluten-free, dairy-free holiday recipe, please share it with us!
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Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Beat the Blues: 10 Ways to Happy

Insomnia smileyImage via WikipediaPeople with fibromyalgia are susceptible to mood disorders, like depression and anxiety, and I'm no exception. I've been dealing with sleep disturbances and anxiety for the last few weeks. I've been waking up every night between 4:30 and 5:30 am. As soon as I realize I'm awake, I get a flush of anxiety and I can't get back to sleep. I've been working with my therapist to figure out the source of my anxiety, which pops up in my dreams and makes it difficult to sleep. Or it could be too much T3 (thyroid hormone) that I'm taking for Thyroid Hormone Resistance Syndrome, so I'm stepping down the T3 to see if my symptoms abate.

Anyway, given my current state of mind, I was intrigued when I saw a link called 10 Ways to Have a Happier Life. Dr. Andrew Weil, Founder and Director of The Arizona Center for Integrative Medicine, wrote a book called Spontaneous Happiness about ways that can help people achieve and maintain happy lives. He says that "happy" does not mean "endless bliss" but "a state of contentment and serenity" from which someone can still have emotional highs and lows, but be able to easily return to a pleasant state of mind. I found it very interesting that I was already practicing all of the first five points in part one and most of the last five in part two.
The anti-inflammatory food pyramid

The first five suggestions include:  
  • exercise
  • anti-inflammatory diet
  • fish oil and vitamin D
  • anti-depression supplements
  • breathing exercises. 
All are great methods for anyone with fibromyalgia. Exercise is key, especially low impact exercises like water aerobics and walking. Dr. Weil says, "For treatment of depression and anxiety disorders, activities of moderate intensity, like brisk walking, are more successful than very vigorous activity." Systemic inflammation is a problem in FM, so following an anti-inflammatory diet is helpful. My doctor told me to avoid dairy and gluten, which are both inflammatory. Dr. Weil provides an anti-inflammatory food pyramid. Of course, fish oil helps with inflammation and most people are deficient in Vitamin D, so that helps, too. I use SAM-e, a naturally-occurring molecule found throughout the body, as an anti-depression supplement. SAM-e really helps elevate mood. I could feel a difference almost immediately once I started using it. According to Dr. Weil "the usual dosage is 400 to 1,600 milligrams a day, taken on an empty stomach.  Take lower doses (under 800 milligrams) once a day, a half hour before the morning meal; split higher doses, taking the second a half hour before lunch." Also, breathing exercises are key to calming down the revved up autonomic nervous system found in FM patients. We're always in the "flight or fight" mode, even when there is no danger present. Breathing exercises, such as alternate nostril breathing, help keep us calm.

The last five suggestions include: 
  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
  • laughter
  • limiting media exposure
  • forgiveness
  • practicing gratitude
Dr. Don Goldenburg, a specialist in fibromyalgia, highly recommended CBT as a way of dealing with the various symptoms of FM. CBT is based on the concept that our thoughts affect how we feel. Personally, I have been working to transform negative thought patterns into positive thoughts and affirmations to help me feel better, and it works to a certain extent. We all know that laughter is the best medicine! Dr. Weil suggests laughter yoga which combines "Unconditional Laughter with Yogic Breathing." That includes both laughter and breathing exercises. As for limiting media exposure, I stopped watching the news long ago. I would get too depressed and upset and decided it just wasn't worth it. I don't have a smart phone and I'm pretty bad about checking Facebook, too. Dr. Weil suggests replacing virtual media time with face to face interactions with other human beings. Forgiveness can be a difficult process and something that I'm working on in my life. Dr. Weil says forgiveness can be cultivated and cites The Stanford Forgiveness Project. Practicing gratitude can also be cultivated. I used to keep a gratitude journal, writing down 5 things I was grateful for each day, but I've fallen out of the practice. Maybe it's time to start it up again:
  • I'm grateful that I feel much better than I did six months ago
  • I'm grateful that my son will be coming home from college for Thanksgiving
  • I'm grateful that the power is on and I can type up this post
  • I'm grateful to be writing the holiday gift guide for my local paper
  • I'm grateful that no one was hurt in the fender bender I had in a parking lot

What are you grateful for?
 


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