Soul Retrieval

With the help of my therapist, I continued my journey to balance and reintegrate those parts of myself that felt disconnected, such as my creative drive, my sense of self-worth and my personal power. My therapist suggested that a part of my soul split off when I had a terrible flare-up of fibro symptoms last fall that left me feeling like I was once again in a deep, black hole. Then I developed blood clots in my lungs on top of all that, and I've been crawling inch by inch out of the black hole ever since. The good news was that my soul had not traveled far and my therapist suggested a shamanic journey to retrieve it and reintegrate it into my body.

To begin the journey I closed my eyes and settled into a comfortable position as she drummed. Soon I saw myself crawl out of the black hole and stand on solid ground. One of my totems, Horse, came to me and offered a ride. I climbed on Horse's back and we traveled over the flat plains until we reached a hill overlooking a valley. Horse stopped and pawed the ground and I knew I had to continue on my own. I got off Horse's back and walked into a woods. I pushed back branches until I came upon a clearing with a pool of water. I recognized it as the same place I had first met my power totem, Jaguar, many years ago. Jaguar represents reclaiming your personal power, which is exactly what I needed to do now. Then I saw Jaguar walk out of the woods on the opposite side of the pool and stop to drink from the clear water. I jumped into Jaguar and the two of us became one. I could feel Jaguar's powerful muscles as he walked back into the woods. Finally we stopped on the top of a hill under the moonlight. Jaguar sat down and licked his paws.  I wondered where we would go next. I thought about the beginning of my journey and crawling out of the black hole. Jaguar told me not to look back to the pit - the past was over.

When Jaguar continued we walked through a white mist. I saw Jaguar from above and now I was riding on Jaguar's back. I could still feel the powerful muscles as Jaguar slunk through the mist. I felt pulled forward and to the left as I listened to the drumming. I remembered that this was the direction that I had shot an arrow in a previous vision. I wasn't ready to follow the arrow at the time, but now I realized that the arrow was the part of my soul that I had sent away to be safe until I was strong enough to retrieve it. I felt the presence of a young woman in white. She drew us to a clearing in the mist filled with light. I stood in the light with my arms open wide, face turned up, eyes closed. The light filled me and surrounded me. I could sense the woman, my soul, rejoin me and become part of me again. I was worried about holding onto this slippery soul but I was told that I couldn't hold onto her. A voice said: don't worry about the future or look back to the past; stand here in the moment, in the light, and if you ever loose your way again, jaguar will always show you the way back. I felt myself rising up. I saw Jaguar from above again. Jaguar got smaller and smaller as I rose higher and higher. I thanked Jaguar for showing up and for showing me the way back to myself again. Then I opened my eyes and returned to the present world.

The next morning I awoke feeling vaguely anxious. I closed my eyes and put myself back into the clearing of light. I felt calm, centered and whole again. I knew that if I ever felt disconnected or lost again, the clearing of light is there to help me recenter and balance myself.