Not knowing is killing me. On the other hand, I'm afraid to find out what it is. I did a tarot reading to try and get some clarity on the issue. The first card I pulled was the Five of Disks - the worry card. The Five of Disks represents worry about a physical concern such as health or money that is keeping the person in a state of anxiety. How appropriate is that?
According to The Tarot Handbook by Angeles Arrien, worry is a state of being:
It is the state of being/consciousness that always takes us back to the past or into the future but never has one handling the present.
That is very true for me. I'm either worrying about all the health issues I've had in the past and how difficult they have been to overcome or I'm worried I have some terrible, debilitating disease or tumor.
Arrien goes on to say:
...you can collapse worry by staying present and not getting pulled into future concerns or past experiences.
Now every time I start to worry about what horrible disease I might have, I hear Doris Day singing:
Que Sera, Sera,And I swear it helps!
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
P.S. Blood work showed that I DO NOT have rheumatoid arthritis or Lyme disease. Two more bullets dodged! My doc is stumped and referred me to her favorite rheumatologist. She sent him my "sad story" so he'll have all the background details.